Among all the difficulties of the modern world, there is one feature of the current human behavior that stands out for its absurdity. Throughout our lives we learn many things, most of them having no applicability in everyday life. However, what is most natural and basic to us has become something often indigestible, like the simple act of relating to one another. The unconscious interaction with others makes us label relationships as something problematic, as if intimacy was something to be avoided. However, isolation leads to separation, and even to death.
Sunk in deep loneliness, we desperately seek a connection with each other. However this demand comes from a mistaken belief that the other will eventually fill the void. But the truth is that we seek to quench our thirst of the Divine and, in fact, we can access it in others, but we must first recognize God in ourselves. This is not restricted to romantic relationships, but any relationship, be it with your mother or with the garbage man – it is the vibration of unconditional love that counts.
God is inside us, in the form of a spark of light that gives us life. Besides, it is important to remember that where our attention is, that’s where our consciousness is too. So when we project our counsciousness to the exterior and forget to look inside, then is when comes the disconnection between ourselves and the Divine, like a child who is ignored by his classmates, by those other children who pretend he’s not there. It is through the eyes of recognition that we recognize we’re alive, that we’re here, so the ignored child begins to doubt that he exists, as if he was invisible and worthless. Placing our counsciousness out of ourselves is like turning away from God and ignoring His pulse in every atom within us.
Therefore, there are souls around us that help us remember who we are. Those who have initiated the spiritual path understand that family members and close friends are the best mirrors we have, reflecting us with much love. When consciousness is awakening, all interactions are gifts. It is through them that we realize our inner world and what’s happening there, what are our standards and impulses. Hence the challenge of living in groups, be it a family of 3 members or a 70 people eco-village. The intensity of the inner work will depend solely on the spiritual intent.
“The best social, political and spiritual work we can do is to stop projecting our shadow on others.” (Carl Gustav Jung)
Living in community is something intimately challenging. It is necessary for each one, in an internal and personal way, to have a firm self-observation to deprogram from all the garbage that prevents us from living in our essence of Light. There is no real common-unity if we don’t respect the individuality of each person, because we can only unite what once was separate. We all have our free will granted by the Supreme Being and that should be respected, in our wills and auric space. We live in a totally co-dependent society, where energy exchanges are extremely unhealthy. A big mess that does not allow us to know what is mine and what belongs to the other.
Reflecting this mutual energetic invasion, there are cycles of attempted domination and following aggressive reaction as a defense mechanism. This is when see the downward spiral of competition, the cornerstone of the system. In this win-lose paradigm, one side “wins”, but in reality everyone loses. Here is the engine of this paradigm, when the “loser” seeks alternatives (sometimes not very good) to try again or take revenge, driven by lower vibrational energies. On the other hand, he who “won” identifies himself totally with it and will defend this position to the last drop of blood.
It looks like a battle and it truly is. Not rarely we feel at a dispute with another person, placing him or her as an opponent, a vile and childish game of self-assertion manipulated by the ego. And in the roller coaster of this destruction park, all types of illusion nurture from our troubled emotions: fear, insecurity, control, power and masks. Two films that portray well this sadistic dynamics are Dangerous Liaisons and Vanity Fair.
“Insofar as we pulverize a defect or a vice, we increase consciousness in power, wisdom and love.” (The Awakening of Man, Samael Aun Weor).
The good news is that the cure for relations in the three spheres is accessible, since it is inside us. Therefore, to live in peace with yourself, with others and with the world, we just need to free ourselves from the enslaving energy, which makes the decisions from that dreadful place. It is a matter of observing this happening and freely choose to change the source, recovering the power that has been taken away from us. If I get rid of the image I have of myself and accept where I am, and what inner demons should I stop feeding, everything becomes clear. Difficult is to dissolve an invisible or hidden/repressed aspect.
If we take responsibility for absolutely everything that concerns us internally, we become free and the others are automatically freed. Easy is to keep thinking that it was the other person that pissed you off, it’s hard to look inside and see what you don’t like in you. Always what we see outside is a reflection of what we have inside. When empowered by our own emotions, the others will never be the cause of our states of mind, and neither will be hurt by anything external.
“It is important to differentiate between your needs and your wants. Your needs are few, while your wants can be limitless. In order to find freedom and bliss, minister only to your needs. Stop creating limitless wants and pursuing the will-o’-the-wisp of false happiness.” (Paramahansa Yogananda)
Can you imagine not having anyone to disgrace you? Or not being responsible for the happiness of others? This way, we are more able to understand that each person has their own way of thinking, of feeling. Each one has their own time and way of expressing in the world. Only by respecting our separation is that we can live in a real common-union. Consequently, when it comes to live in a group of people, to live indeed a fraternity, you must give up power, control, hierarchy, dominance.
This involves a very simple exercise which is giving and receiving the “no.” Culturally we were raised to always do what others want, even when it is not our will. This generates an internal energetic wound that makes them return to the world in the same domain form in another environment. Like the father of a family who is submissive at work and a dictator at home. Or a woman subjugates herself before another one socially more recognized, but becomes a spoiled queen with the maid.
Well if I make a request to someone, that person is essentially free to do what I’m asking or not, and each one of us must accept both a “yes” and a “no”. If we do not accept “no”, then it is a requirement, not a request. We act as if the others were required to meet our needs. If we don’t give space for the person to choose, it’s an authoritarian imposition, it’s trying to exert energetic domain over the others and their choice. This assault can be through direct confrontation, bargaining, manipulation or emotional blackmail.
“Do not create demands. Anything that comes naturally, receive it as a gift, enjoy it and be enchanted by it. And thousands are the gifts that gush about you, but due to your demanding mind you cannot see them.” (Osho)
When we stop exerting our power over our fellow men and women, then they will be proactive, doing what the heart says with love and enthusiasm. This way it will be much more rewarding for us to see those Beings shine, and do things because they want to and not because we demand. By requiring other to comply with what we say, as good servants, we try to enslave them without realizing that actually we are the enslaved ones. Obedience is not an act of cooperation. Cooperation does not occur in relations of domination and submission.
To break this vicious cycle, the key lies in self-observation and the questioning of the source of that bad feeling and discomfort. There we find, in simple moments, great opportunities to develop and clean all the mud obscuring the light. If this occurs consciously and we become observers of situations, we see that the person with whom we are in conflict (ourselves or another) feels that some basic need of his is not being met. We let them express what they need, without identifying ourselves. We begin to look at them with compassion.
“The marked tendency to blame others is an obstacle that prevents us to understand our own mistakes.” (Samael Aun Weor)
This deep love for us and others blossoms when we recognize the illusions. And they fall and it hurts, but the pain is proportional to the attachment towards them. Whenever we try to control any energy, shape it, or secure it with attachment, it becomes rigid, non-fluid and dies. This goes for any type of memory, which in itself is illusory because it does not correspond to the present moment and the energy that flows in the now is left without attention, without awareness. Therefore, without movement, flexibility and reflection, there is no life. And the focus should be on the here and now, the only time that exists.
So if we really want to build a happy home, a community, we must begin with ourselves. When the Light grows in me, it will expand to my family and close friends (inner circle), then to my community (ecovillage, neighborhood etc.) and then to the world in a real, gradual and conscious way, through my choices, moment by moment, inside out. Each internal change of mine is like a stone in the lake, reverberating through the inspiration of others through my energy and attitude change – the example.
Living in a harmonious and light way is possible, we just need to get up and do what we gotta do! All we want is to love and be loved. What are you waiting for to be free and live in peace?
Translated by Luiz Vicentim.